why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
