people are starting to question the shark bite story
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
