Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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