This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
