Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
