shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
