can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
