We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
