okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
