i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
