So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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