The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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