I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
