were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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