Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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