get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
