i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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