Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
