I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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