this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
