at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
