I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
