its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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