I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have fence marks all over my body
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
