is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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