Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
