There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
