Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
