i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
