Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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