What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
