i'm signing you up for texting rehab
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
