Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
