Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
