its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize