Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
