I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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