Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
