Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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