Do you still have your period?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
