is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wanna go halves on a baby?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
