Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
