Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
