I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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