A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
