Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
