I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
