Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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