How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize