playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
