Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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