He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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