You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
