Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
