Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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