My room smells like vodka and shame
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
