Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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