the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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