Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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