I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
