i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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