Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
