he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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