i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
