The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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